Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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