i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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