does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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