I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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