Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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