At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
