Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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