could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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