i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
