mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize