Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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