My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
