We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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