Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
