I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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