so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
