SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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