I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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