I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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