On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
