Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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