The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
