Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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