RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
