I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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