No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
