There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
