WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
