yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
