i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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