I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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