On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
