So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
