So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
