Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
