yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
