oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
