Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
