he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I currently don't understand fingers.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
