Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
