My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
