New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So much Jack, so little girl.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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