she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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