why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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