i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
