I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
