Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
