so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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