I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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