I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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