i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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