Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize