did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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