bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
