My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
