Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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