Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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