the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
