I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
