ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
