Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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