apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
