I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
