remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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