i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
