just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
