apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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