so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
