my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize