found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Let the clothes fall where they may.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
