I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
