I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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