After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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