pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
