I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
