please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
