Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
