Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
