Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
