I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
farters have to be the big spoon...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
