She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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