marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
