i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm bleeding and have questions
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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