All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
