I hate your face
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize