I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
