I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
