I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
