Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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