Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
