Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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