I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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