And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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