I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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