May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need to align my fucking chakras
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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