Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
