So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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